I am going through the initiation process to become a Catholic. It's called Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults (RCIA). That's right, folks, Catholics are indeed Christians. A manager at work, whom I really like, told me she used to be Catholic but then became a Christian. No, you were a Catholic and you became a Protestant. I guess you could say Catholics came first.
So, we just started the Breaking Open of the Word. That's where those of us who needs to be baptized or are coming over from a Protestant religion get up after the homily (that's sermon for you Protestants) and are blessed by the priest and dismissed to go to another room and study the Scripture readings for that day.
I remember last year thinking to myself that I didn't want to get up in front of everybody and leave the service. That's partly cuz I was having very frequent moodswings where I would have a week of insomnia and for that first week and for about another week after I would be full of anxiety and deep shyness. I've found a new and painfully expensive medicine that has greatly decreased the insomnia part of my cycles. So, this morning I was thinking that I like to leave and spend special time with my new found friends who are learning about the Catholic Church.
I have bipolar mood disorder and attention deficit disorder. They actually go together frequently. I am a bit concerned today because I slept for 14 hours last night. That means I am going through a moodswing. And in this part of my cycle where I, paradoxically for manic and depressive moodswings, sleep a lot I tend to be manic and do stupid things. So I said a special prayer today that I would be levelheaded. Pray for me, too, if you read this in time. Thank you, dear reader, have a great Sunday!
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1 comment:
You seem to dying for comments, so here you go.
I struggle with depression. My mother struggled for years, and as a result, she was married 6 or 7 times. But, I've never had to take meds. Or rather, I've never been convinced that I should take meds. I'm weird about the depression, and I think I might coin it something special.
Because writers like me...we're afraid to give it up. We're afraid we'll lose the muse, the angel, the duende. We're afraid if we get help, level-out, that our creative abilities will fly out the window.
And we just can't have that.
I love the night. I hate to sleep when there is a moon in the sky. I'm tired a lot. I don't eat very much, usually once a day. Some days, I want to fly to New York just to take back Sunday and jump off a building.
Rain makes it worse.
But what's even more wierd is that I'm both right and left brained. My dream of being an author, and a poet is offset by the fact that I can write code like a madman. So the analytical has always balanced the creative just enough to keep my head above water.
Probably not the smartest idea. But I can relate to you. My only advice, if you accept advice from someone half your age, is don't let it control you. Get busy living or get busy dying. It's one or the other. Guys like you and me can't straddle the fence, because we'll eventually fall off.
I tell myself that I have to get up. Sleep to us is like jack daniels for the alcoholic. We can't get enraptured with it. And life, if unchecked, can become overbearing. Find an outlet. And if it is this blog, so be it. But find something you look forward to so terribly that it gives you the motivation for breathing in...
and out.
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