Need prayer for guidance, folks.
I am considering making a career move. A month before I got fired my mother sort of challenged me, pointing out that this is a town with a great economy and job market and that I could be making a lot more money. She told me how much she was making as a casino dealer. I was flabbergasted!
I had no idea about the tips some of these casinos bring in. She owns three houses and is currently adding to her real estate holdings. I'm struggling to make rent.
Now, it will take years to make half the income she is making. But half of what she is taking in is almost twice what I was making before my demise. Now, I am at a crossroads. I could go back into the banking industry and be a collector in a call center. But I would still be living a crap shoot. I literally have to make bonus just to cover my monthly nut, and making bonus is not guaranteed.
Now, I have an opportunity to live at a place for about 6 months practically rent free, thanks to the Catholic Worker (btw, my landlady told me today that I could stay- it felt good to tell her that I may go anyways). You see, to get started in the dealing business you have to start at a break-in house where you earn squat in tips. I have dealt blackjack before. I figure in 6 months of dealing I could work myself into a casino that would pay $100 a night in tips. This would put me at the level where I was last month in collections. The rest would be working on my games and improving my skills and graduating to higher paying casinoes.
So, I want the Lord to check my motives and to keep me clearheaded so that I don't do anything foolish. Last time I dealt I loved working with the people. I was a natural entertainer. The spotlights are on me and everybody is facing me and well, I like to make people feel good and I am good at it. The moral climate, however, wore me down. The prevalance of pleasure seeking females, the proximity to gambling and my status with my bipolar and impulsivity served to bring me down. Nowadays I am happily celibate, no longer driven by inordinate desires, am steeped in prayer via Adoration and the Divine Office and it truly seems I have been healed of my bipolar symptoms- have I shared that miracle with you? There are many level headed dealers in this town who are making killer money and living responsibly, my mother and stepfather, for example.
I was rather anxious this morning when I thought that the way casinos dominate your schedule that I would have to give up my first Saturday of the month for the Carmelites until I called my mom and she pointed out that day shifts are hard to come by as a newbie and that I would most likely work a late swing shift which would leave me enough time for my Carmelite meetings. That was a relief. I didn't want to have to give up my spiritual growth for this new career. RCIA may be a problem, though. And that causes me to grieve.... Wednesdays are slow days for casinos so maybe I could get them off.
So, gentle readers, here I am at a crossroads leaning on your prayer support. Ask the Lord to give me wisdom as I discern my future here.
Thanks in advance.